Collin Abbott.
“How a love so
right can turn out to be so wrong?” I was watching this TV special about the
Bee Gees, and the thing evolved into a necessity, a urge to dive again deep
into may despair of being incapable of stopping thinking about her, over and
over again, like a possessed man. There
are things that I’ll never understand. How come such a beautiful start ends up
in resent and hurt? Great moments turned into distance and solitude. Forgotten moments of happiness that I will
never forget. I could not; I would not accept the mediocrity of my behavior
with her. That I could not, I would not ever excuse myself. I will never forget
the evil things that I did to her. Now she went, I just can’t complaint. But I
can do the suffering like anybody else around me.
This cuts me deep
inside like a deep metal wound. How come such care, such moments…Am I such a
fool? Yes, miserably, I was played like a fool, and could never tell anything,
because I was wrong from the start. She was open, and I was hiding behind my
lies. A prisoner of things I imagined would give me some kind os social edge
that would prevent me from the pain: the internet and all those foolish things
I rely to protect myself from the past to come back again.
But it came,
anyway. The whole thing exploded on my face. Merciless and just like I imagined
and predicted using my wizard powers, and at the end they were the motive for
everything ended in such a brutal end. I’m all but destroyed inside. Don’t know
what to do. Nobody is here with me, anymore. She went away. I went after her
like a mad man searching high and low like an imbecile, like a pitiful clown. I
lost my dignity and my respect. I asked her for help, in despair. She sent me
back a pps over the internet with a mystery written on it. All I have now is
silence in my empty house.
